Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
