he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
