i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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