Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You're a waste of cheezeits
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
