He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
