I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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