Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
