I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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