people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so let's talk penis.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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