Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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