the condom got lost in my hair
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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