i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
