I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
