im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
