She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
