I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
