I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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