He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
