theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
