So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
