Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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