Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
