Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
