her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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