My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
