TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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