....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
