Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
