how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
