that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
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