You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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