Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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