Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
