Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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