Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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