3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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