just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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