Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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