He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
