I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
high people should be assigned attendants
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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