I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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