Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
