the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
