Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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