and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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