i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
