I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The ass gains better be worth it
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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