i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
