and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
