You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
