Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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