Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
