i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
